By Melanie Phillips. First published in the Daily Mail, June 19 2003.
The government’s war against men is now plumbing ever more astonishing depths. On Radio Four’s Today programme yesterday, the Home Secretary David Blunkett could scarcely wait to boast of new proposals to deal with domestic violence.
Such crimes are indeed a serious matter. But the Home Office not only continues to distort them as overwhelmingly caused by male aggression against innocent women and children, against all the evidence that this is not the case. It is now taking a giant step towards fundamental injustice.
Anyone truly concerned with civil liberties could not fail to have been appalled by Mr Blunkett’s comments. The problem was, he enthusiastically explained, that at present ‘you have to get someone through court’ before a domestic violence suspect can be restrained.
So his solution is to restrain them before they even get to court. In other words, he wants action taken against a man on the basis of an unproven allegation by a woman– made under the protection of anonymity, to boot. So much for this Home Secretary’s understanding of the presumption of innocence, the meaning of justice and the necessity for a trial of the facts.
Even worse, despite the fact that he has just given the women’s refuge movement extra millions in public funds, he thinks women should not have to move out when they claim they are being attacked. The men they are accusing should move out instead, pronto. So men will now be evicted from their homes simply on the basis of an accusation.
The way will thus be clear for a woman who has tired of her man to get the police to evict him, without the tedious irrelevance of having to ‘get someone through a court’.
These are proposals which are simply inimical to the rule of law. They also spectacularly miss the point.
True, some 150 people – the majority of whom are women -- are killed at home every year. But if we want to stop the appalling toll of domestic violence, we have to address the unstable relationships which are fuelling the phenomenon.
For unmarried partners present vastly more risks of physical abuse to both adults and children at home than do married couples. Transient relationships lead to more jealousy, insecurity and, in extreme cases, violence. Furthermore, unmarried individuals are far more likely to abuse a child in their care with whom they have no biological connection.
The Home Office itself has previously acknowledged that the dislocation arising from marital breakdown is a ‘key risk factor’ in domestic violence. Yet the government has encouraged the false belief that all relationships are equal in value.
While thus giving its blessing to domestic arrangements which give rise to violence between intimates, the government is choosing to pile the blame on men. For although it claims in passing that one in six men suffers from domestic violence, it says women are mainly their victims.
This is a wicked distortion of the facts. There is overwhelming evidence from dozens of international studies that women are as violent towards men as men are towards women. Women are indeed more likely to initiate violence. Even the Home Office – which persistently ignores this research -- reported some years back that equal numbers of men and women were initiating violence towards each other.
True, women get hurt more badly in such fights because men tend to be stronger. That is presumably why more women than men are killed in these disputes. But there is also much anecdotal evidence that many men are too ashamed to report their injuries.
The Home Office report reheats yet again a number of misleading old chestnuts. It says, for example, that one in four women suffers domestic violence. This is rot. It is a figure extrapolated from studies that don’t stand up to serious scrutiny – illustrating the dismal standards which characterise virtually all domestic violence research in this country, but which the Home Office not only slavishly relies upon but also funds.
Not only does the government distort the facts about violence between adults, but it ignores the role played by women in violence towards children. For all the evidence suggests that while men commit most child sexual abuse, women subject children to more neglect, physical injury and even murder.
An NSPCC study a few years ago revealed that mothers were the most frequent perpetrators of children’s physical injury, emotional abuse and neglect. This is hardly surprising since mothers generally have more contact with their children than anyone else.
In America, where trends are likely to be similar to Britain, the Department of Justice said that in 1999, three out of five maltreated children had been abused by their mothers. And in 2001, the US Department of Health and Human Services reported that 32.4% of child fatalities were committed by mothers, compared to 14.2% committed by fathers, 14% by non-parents and 25.1% by mothers and fathers acting together.
So the idea that men are responsible for the vast majority of domestic violence is simply untrue. Yet Mr Blunkett is urging women to make more such claims -- on the basis of which men are to be deprived of their homes, their children and their reputations.
These preposterous proposals are based on the extreme feminist belief -- which has captured the Home Office -- that all men are guilty. That’s why rape trials are now to be rigged, too, by weighting the burden of proof against the defendant. Many men are already victims of this egregious prejudice in the divorce courts, where unproven allegations against them are automatically believed and used to deprive them of contact with their children.
Clearly, some men are indeed guilty of violence against the women they live with or their children. But some men are guilty of other crimes, too. Yet this has not caused the government to tear up the elementary rules of justice in those cases. So why is domestic violence so different?
The answer is that men are being demonised as intrinsic rapists, wife beaters and child abusers as part of a broader agenda. It is nothing less than an aim to destroy the married family, cripple ‘male power’ by emasculating men’s role and undermine masculinity itself.
So men are given the impression they can no longer be breadwinners (unless they are separated from their children’s mother, in which case they will be pursued for money the length and breadth of the land).
Meanwhile, women are lured back into the workplace by a government fanatical in its feminist agenda. Only recently there was a report from the Women and Equality Unit which implied that it was wrong for women to stay at home with their children when they could be economically active.
At the same time, men are patronised as emotionally illiterate, and regarded as no more than walking wallets, sperm donors and mothers’ au pairs.
In fact, the biggest protection against domestic violence is marriage, the very institution the government is busy destroying. Domestic violence is far rarer within the stable and loving context that marriage affords than among cohabiting couples who are more prone to insecurity and jealousy.
Since the government’s approach is exposing hundreds of thousands of children to hugely increased risks of violence and abuse, Mr Blunkett’s pious assertion that he was ‘putting children first’ was enough to make one choke on the cornflakes.
By encouraging mass fatherlessness, this government is putting children last. These domestic violence proposals go even further: removing men not just from family life but from the protection of the law itself.
They are being turned into un-persons, excluded from the ambit of human rights (so much for the wretched Human Rights Act). And once again it is a male politician, in the emasculated Home Office, which is putting the boot into men.
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Showing posts with label family harmony. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family harmony. Show all posts
Saturday, April 26, 2008
Human rights are not for men
By Melanie Phillips. First published in the Daily Mail, June 19 2003.
The government’s war against men is now plumbing ever more astonishing depths. On Radio Four’s Today programme yesterday, the Home Secretary David Blunkett could scarcely wait to boast of new proposals to deal with domestic violence.
Such crimes are indeed a serious matter. But the Home Office not only continues to distort them as overwhelmingly caused by male aggression against innocent women and children, against all the evidence that this is not the case. It is now taking a giant step towards fundamental injustice.
Anyone truly concerned with civil liberties could not fail to have been appalled by Mr Blunkett’s comments. The problem was, he enthusiastically explained, that at present ‘you have to get someone through court’ before a domestic violence suspect can be restrained.
So his solution is to restrain them before they even get to court. In other words, he wants action taken against a man on the basis of an unproven allegation by a woman– made under the protection of anonymity, to boot. So much for this Home Secretary’s understanding of the presumption of innocence, the meaning of justice and the necessity for a trial of the facts.
Even worse, despite the fact that he has just given the women’s refuge movement extra millions in public funds, he thinks women should not have to move out when they claim they are being attacked. The men they are accusing should move out instead, pronto. So men will now be evicted from their homes simply on the basis of an accusation.
The way will thus be clear for a woman who has tired of her man to get the police to evict him, without the tedious irrelevance of having to ‘get someone through a court’.
These are proposals which are simply inimical to the rule of law. They also spectacularly miss the point.
True, some 150 people – the majority of whom are women -- are killed at home every year. But if we want to stop the appalling toll of domestic violence, we have to address the unstable relationships which are fuelling the phenomenon.
For unmarried partners present vastly more risks of physical abuse to both adults and children at home than do married couples. Transient relationships lead to more jealousy, insecurity and, in extreme cases, violence. Furthermore, unmarried individuals are far more likely to abuse a child in their care with whom they have no biological connection.
The Home Office itself has previously acknowledged that the dislocation arising from marital breakdown is a ‘key risk factor’ in domestic violence. Yet the government has encouraged the false belief that all relationships are equal in value.
While thus giving its blessing to domestic arrangements which give rise to violence between intimates, the government is choosing to pile the blame on men. For although it claims in passing that one in six men suffers from domestic violence, it says women are mainly their victims.
This is a wicked distortion of the facts. There is overwhelming evidence from dozens of international studies that women are as violent towards men as men are towards women. Women are indeed more likely to initiate violence. Even the Home Office – which persistently ignores this research -- reported some years back that equal numbers of men and women were initiating violence towards each other.
True, women get hurt more badly in such fights because men tend to be stronger. That is presumably why more women than men are killed in these disputes. But there is also much anecdotal evidence that many men are too ashamed to report their injuries.
The Home Office report reheats yet again a number of misleading old chestnuts. It says, for example, that one in four women suffers domestic violence. This is rot. It is a figure extrapolated from studies that don’t stand up to serious scrutiny – illustrating the dismal standards which characterise virtually all domestic violence research in this country, but which the Home Office not only slavishly relies upon but also funds.
Not only does the government distort the facts about violence between adults, but it ignores the role played by women in violence towards children. For all the evidence suggests that while men commit most child sexual abuse, women subject children to more neglect, physical injury and even murder.
An NSPCC study a few years ago revealed that mothers were the most frequent perpetrators of children’s physical injury, emotional abuse and neglect. This is hardly surprising since mothers generally have more contact with their children than anyone else.
In America, where trends are likely to be similar to Britain, the Department of Justice said that in 1999, three out of five maltreated children had been abused by their mothers. And in 2001, the US Department of Health and Human Services reported that 32.4% of child fatalities were committed by mothers, compared to 14.2% committed by fathers, 14% by non-parents and 25.1% by mothers and fathers acting together.
So the idea that men are responsible for the vast majority of domestic violence is simply untrue. Yet Mr Blunkett is urging women to make more such claims -- on the basis of which men are to be deprived of their homes, their children and their reputations.
These preposterous proposals are based on the extreme feminist belief -- which has captured the Home Office -- that all men are guilty. That’s why rape trials are now to be rigged, too, by weighting the burden of proof against the defendant. Many men are already victims of this egregious prejudice in the divorce courts, where unproven allegations against them are automatically believed and used to deprive them of contact with their children.
Clearly, some men are indeed guilty of violence against the women they live with or their children. But some men are guilty of other crimes, too. Yet this has not caused the government to tear up the elementary rules of justice in those cases. So why is domestic violence so different?
The answer is that men are being demonised as intrinsic rapists, wife beaters and child abusers as part of a broader agenda. It is nothing less than an aim to destroy the married family, cripple ‘male power’ by emasculating men’s role and undermine masculinity itself.
So men are given the impression they can no longer be breadwinners (unless they are separated from their children’s mother, in which case they will be pursued for money the length and breadth of the land).
Meanwhile, women are lured back into the workplace by a government fanatical in its feminist agenda. Only recently there was a report from the Women and Equality Unit which implied that it was wrong for women to stay at home with their children when they could be economically active.
At the same time, men are patronised as emotionally illiterate, and regarded as no more than walking wallets, sperm donors and mothers’ au pairs.
In fact, the biggest protection against domestic violence is marriage, the very institution the government is busy destroying. Domestic violence is far rarer within the stable and loving context that marriage affords than among cohabiting couples who are more prone to insecurity and jealousy.
Since the government’s approach is exposing hundreds of thousands of children to hugely increased risks of violence and abuse, Mr Blunkett’s pious assertion that he was ‘putting children first’ was enough to make one choke on the cornflakes.
By encouraging mass fatherlessness, this government is putting children last. These domestic violence proposals go even further: removing men not just from family life but from the protection of the law itself.
They are being turned into un-persons, excluded from the ambit of human rights (so much for the wretched Human Rights Act). And once again it is a male politician, in the emasculated Home Office, which is putting the boot into men.
By Melanie Phillips. First published in the Daily Mail, June 19 2003.
The government’s war against men is now plumbing ever more astonishing depths. On Radio Four’s Today programme yesterday, the Home Secretary David Blunkett could scarcely wait to boast of new proposals to deal with domestic violence.
Such crimes are indeed a serious matter. But the Home Office not only continues to distort them as overwhelmingly caused by male aggression against innocent women and children, against all the evidence that this is not the case. It is now taking a giant step towards fundamental injustice.
Anyone truly concerned with civil liberties could not fail to have been appalled by Mr Blunkett’s comments. The problem was, he enthusiastically explained, that at present ‘you have to get someone through court’ before a domestic violence suspect can be restrained.
So his solution is to restrain them before they even get to court. In other words, he wants action taken against a man on the basis of an unproven allegation by a woman– made under the protection of anonymity, to boot. So much for this Home Secretary’s understanding of the presumption of innocence, the meaning of justice and the necessity for a trial of the facts.
Even worse, despite the fact that he has just given the women’s refuge movement extra millions in public funds, he thinks women should not have to move out when they claim they are being attacked. The men they are accusing should move out instead, pronto. So men will now be evicted from their homes simply on the basis of an accusation.
The way will thus be clear for a woman who has tired of her man to get the police to evict him, without the tedious irrelevance of having to ‘get someone through a court’.
These are proposals which are simply inimical to the rule of law. They also spectacularly miss the point.
True, some 150 people – the majority of whom are women -- are killed at home every year. But if we want to stop the appalling toll of domestic violence, we have to address the unstable relationships which are fuelling the phenomenon.
For unmarried partners present vastly more risks of physical abuse to both adults and children at home than do married couples. Transient relationships lead to more jealousy, insecurity and, in extreme cases, violence. Furthermore, unmarried individuals are far more likely to abuse a child in their care with whom they have no biological connection.
The Home Office itself has previously acknowledged that the dislocation arising from marital breakdown is a ‘key risk factor’ in domestic violence. Yet the government has encouraged the false belief that all relationships are equal in value.
While thus giving its blessing to domestic arrangements which give rise to violence between intimates, the government is choosing to pile the blame on men. For although it claims in passing that one in six men suffers from domestic violence, it says women are mainly their victims.
This is a wicked distortion of the facts. There is overwhelming evidence from dozens of international studies that women are as violent towards men as men are towards women. Women are indeed more likely to initiate violence. Even the Home Office – which persistently ignores this research -- reported some years back that equal numbers of men and women were initiating violence towards each other.
True, women get hurt more badly in such fights because men tend to be stronger. That is presumably why more women than men are killed in these disputes. But there is also much anecdotal evidence that many men are too ashamed to report their injuries.
The Home Office report reheats yet again a number of misleading old chestnuts. It says, for example, that one in four women suffers domestic violence. This is rot. It is a figure extrapolated from studies that don’t stand up to serious scrutiny – illustrating the dismal standards which characterise virtually all domestic violence research in this country, but which the Home Office not only slavishly relies upon but also funds.
Not only does the government distort the facts about violence between adults, but it ignores the role played by women in violence towards children. For all the evidence suggests that while men commit most child sexual abuse, women subject children to more neglect, physical injury and even murder.
An NSPCC study a few years ago revealed that mothers were the most frequent perpetrators of children’s physical injury, emotional abuse and neglect. This is hardly surprising since mothers generally have more contact with their children than anyone else.
In America, where trends are likely to be similar to Britain, the Department of Justice said that in 1999, three out of five maltreated children had been abused by their mothers. And in 2001, the US Department of Health and Human Services reported that 32.4% of child fatalities were committed by mothers, compared to 14.2% committed by fathers, 14% by non-parents and 25.1% by mothers and fathers acting together.
So the idea that men are responsible for the vast majority of domestic violence is simply untrue. Yet Mr Blunkett is urging women to make more such claims -- on the basis of which men are to be deprived of their homes, their children and their reputations.
These preposterous proposals are based on the extreme feminist belief -- which has captured the Home Office -- that all men are guilty. That’s why rape trials are now to be rigged, too, by weighting the burden of proof against the defendant. Many men are already victims of this egregious prejudice in the divorce courts, where unproven allegations against them are automatically believed and used to deprive them of contact with their children.
Clearly, some men are indeed guilty of violence against the women they live with or their children. But some men are guilty of other crimes, too. Yet this has not caused the government to tear up the elementary rules of justice in those cases. So why is domestic violence so different?
The answer is that men are being demonised as intrinsic rapists, wife beaters and child abusers as part of a broader agenda. It is nothing less than an aim to destroy the married family, cripple ‘male power’ by emasculating men’s role and undermine masculinity itself.
So men are given the impression they can no longer be breadwinners (unless they are separated from their children’s mother, in which case they will be pursued for money the length and breadth of the land).
Meanwhile, women are lured back into the workplace by a government fanatical in its feminist agenda. Only recently there was a report from the Women and Equality Unit which implied that it was wrong for women to stay at home with their children when they could be economically active.
At the same time, men are patronised as emotionally illiterate, and regarded as no more than walking wallets, sperm donors and mothers’ au pairs.
In fact, the biggest protection against domestic violence is marriage, the very institution the government is busy destroying. Domestic violence is far rarer within the stable and loving context that marriage affords than among cohabiting couples who are more prone to insecurity and jealousy.
Since the government’s approach is exposing hundreds of thousands of children to hugely increased risks of violence and abuse, Mr Blunkett’s pious assertion that he was ‘putting children first’ was enough to make one choke on the cornflakes.
By encouraging mass fatherlessness, this government is putting children last. These domestic violence proposals go even further: removing men not just from family life but from the protection of the law itself.
They are being turned into un-persons, excluded from the ambit of human rights (so much for the wretched Human Rights Act). And once again it is a male politician, in the emasculated Home Office, which is putting the boot into men.
Sunday, October 14, 2007
Relevance of Love, Respect and Patience in modern familial situations- A Men’s day special.
There have been a lot of studies commissioned to ascertain the causes of family breakdowns, divorces, etc., but without going into those results we can summarise that Love, Respect and Patience are the three prime factors which make a family tick. When at least these three prevail in a relationship, issues and conflicts resolve at the earliest and the bond finds new thresholds and heights of synergy. If these factors are eclipsed or are absent, even silly ego clashes and difference of opinions lead to irreparable ruptures in relationships, including litigations and other court matters.
So it is arguable that in these times of super efficiency and high-strung performance anxieties, we need to balance the paucity of time for each other by deliberately taking out time to acknowledge each others role and importance in building up a successfully satisfying family; a family where someone is a father, a mother, daughter, a son, a brother, a sister, etc. While historically many of our societies have acknowledged women’s contributions and importance in sustaining a progressive society, acknowledging men was not considered necessary because of various reasons including chivalry itself. In these modern times this deliberate step of acknowledging a man’s role is also very important, just like acknowledging women on women’s day.
Several countries already have a practice of celebrating men’s day, this year ‘Save Indian Family’ along with ‘Hallmark’, one of the leading greeting card companies in India, have decided to mark November 19th as the first International Men’s day celebration in India.
Here are some images which could bring out the necessity of International Men’s day: Men toiling under the wrath of the hot sun, inhaling noxious exhaust all through the day only for returning home to be with his beloveds, and to ensure that all the members have enough supplies to survive on, to be happy even if he has to scorch himself this way for a lifetime. Men selflessly putting themselves in the line of duty and fire to defend their country and hence thousands of its citizens, who do not even acknowledge his contributions and sacrifice. Men making a living amongst inhospitable conditions like furnaces, oil rigs, deserts, hazardous waste management, toxic sewage, nuclear plants, and other high risk occupations, doing these only following certain values of ‘providing’, ‘sacrificing’, selflessly toiling and silently bearing the brunt.
I asked some close associates in the opposite sex about why there should at all be a men’s day these were the reactions. From the infant stage the stress of getting into diapers and restricting themselves into the damp contours till the time of relief, to the crammed school commute in rickshaws or buses, it seems that boys are more susceptible to the stress factors. This observation is well backed by the lowering of the age for heart attacks among males, which now a days is not uncommon at the age of even thirty five!. Another observation was simply that they deserve a men’s day just because they are the ones who get entangled in the cross fire between a mother in law and a daughter in law, but I thought aloud why cannot these ladies cease to have a cross-fire at all! . Anyway it was a majority of approvers after the initial cynicism faded away into realisation that indeed men need a day to relax and to feel good that the world has finally decided to acknowledge his efforts and existence.
Centuries of social conditioning aid in sustaining this seemingly obscure behaviour of self-destruction; and this has been one of the most important traits of man throughout the history of mankind. Roles of men and women has evolved with the need of the times, and its still evolving in the modern era of ‘Knowledge’ where most of the jobs are knowledge based and not based on physical strength. Nevertheless the jobs which still has to be done manually, which has an element of risk and physical strength to it, gets done by men by and large- the responsibilities which they discharge without even batting an eyelid, owing to the same social-conditioning and inherent traits of putting oneself in the line of fire.
It is natural that nothing but spectacular or nail-biting gets noticed in this world, the same limitations of public perception paves way to the discounting and almost discrediting of the efforts by men. When a man does his duties, as per the social situation he is in, it is just that he is fulfilling the bare necessities of his existence. All said and done he neither gets appreciation nor acknowledgement for what he does in his lifetime, and since a man is not supposed to cry in desperation he is short-changed in that department too!
Earlier when men were supposed to defend kingdoms, farms, hamlets, households, dignity of his womenfolk, etc., may be expressions of love were in the form of social status, reverence and fear offered by the rest of the society. But this we are talking about millennia back in time, but in these times of ‘knowledge’ how do people acknowledge and appreciate each other, what other than ‘expressions of love’, an almost equivalent to a hug, a day earmarked for somebody who needs a hug. But again it is universally wondered why man needs a day to acknowledge him, its almost like on one day you have women’s day and all other days in an year are for men. This is as fallacious as saying; all the unsold toffees are there for the shop owner to enjoy! . Unless one is hugged, the person remains un-hugged; there is no shortcut to this road.
Connecting all these impressions to the familial situation that is prevailing in our society these days is also important. The way young men and women have dearth of respect and patience, if not love, in their relationship as a couple, it is almost imminent that more single parenting situations arise, a rise of a father-less society to be specific, given the inclination of our judiciary and society- denying fathers the rights of the children and thereby actually denying children their fathers. Again there have been numerous studies, the result of which is not oblivious to common wisdom too, that single parenting leads to behavioural aberrations in children and which in turn leads them to be adults with major personality disorders. Do we owe this to our children, a reality worse than ours?
An even daunting extension of the above scenario is the specter of fragmented families not in touch with each other, leading to even marriages among biological brothers and sisters. This is not at all figment of anyone’s imagination since these scenarios have already manifested themselves, almost extensively, in the western world, who are unfortunately the fore-runners of this scenario too. The moot question before us, as a nation proud of its families as strong building blocks, is that whether we would want to ape the west even in the way their societies have disintegrated into total anarchy. If not, why don’t we sit up and take lessons from the way they have disintegrated, and what to be beware of, what the west has painfully realised and is taking up as first-aid, moreover revisiting our morals and values for its time-tested efficacy and clairvoyance, in sustaining families as units of excellence and satisfaction.
What can we do as individuals? , a lot, is the answer. We can lead by example for one, and that’s the only way our children will imbibe values for a lifetime, we could start by respecting each other, we can salute the completeness attained when a man and woman join together. A complete entity, with so much diversity in life-skills and traits, could not be attained in a single organism and hence we had to be split (for fans of evolution- we had to evolve) into man and woman. Since we rightly have a women’s day let us complete the circle of goodness by having a men’s day, where we acknowledge the men in our life, be it a father, brother, son, uncle, nephew, friend, grand father, cousin, doctor, boss, anyone who you have thought favourably of, let them know your appreciation, lets keep a day in honour of them too- NOVEMBER 19th – is International Men’s Day.
There have been a lot of studies commissioned to ascertain the causes of family breakdowns, divorces, etc., but without going into those results we can summarise that Love, Respect and Patience are the three prime factors which make a family tick. When at least these three prevail in a relationship, issues and conflicts resolve at the earliest and the bond finds new thresholds and heights of synergy. If these factors are eclipsed or are absent, even silly ego clashes and difference of opinions lead to irreparable ruptures in relationships, including litigations and other court matters.
So it is arguable that in these times of super efficiency and high-strung performance anxieties, we need to balance the paucity of time for each other by deliberately taking out time to acknowledge each others role and importance in building up a successfully satisfying family; a family where someone is a father, a mother, daughter, a son, a brother, a sister, etc. While historically many of our societies have acknowledged women’s contributions and importance in sustaining a progressive society, acknowledging men was not considered necessary because of various reasons including chivalry itself. In these modern times this deliberate step of acknowledging a man’s role is also very important, just like acknowledging women on women’s day.
Several countries already have a practice of celebrating men’s day, this year ‘Save Indian Family’ along with ‘Hallmark’, one of the leading greeting card companies in India, have decided to mark November 19th as the first International Men’s day celebration in India.
Here are some images which could bring out the necessity of International Men’s day: Men toiling under the wrath of the hot sun, inhaling noxious exhaust all through the day only for returning home to be with his beloveds, and to ensure that all the members have enough supplies to survive on, to be happy even if he has to scorch himself this way for a lifetime. Men selflessly putting themselves in the line of duty and fire to defend their country and hence thousands of its citizens, who do not even acknowledge his contributions and sacrifice. Men making a living amongst inhospitable conditions like furnaces, oil rigs, deserts, hazardous waste management, toxic sewage, nuclear plants, and other high risk occupations, doing these only following certain values of ‘providing’, ‘sacrificing’, selflessly toiling and silently bearing the brunt.
I asked some close associates in the opposite sex about why there should at all be a men’s day these were the reactions. From the infant stage the stress of getting into diapers and restricting themselves into the damp contours till the time of relief, to the crammed school commute in rickshaws or buses, it seems that boys are more susceptible to the stress factors. This observation is well backed by the lowering of the age for heart attacks among males, which now a days is not uncommon at the age of even thirty five!. Another observation was simply that they deserve a men’s day just because they are the ones who get entangled in the cross fire between a mother in law and a daughter in law, but I thought aloud why cannot these ladies cease to have a cross-fire at all! . Anyway it was a majority of approvers after the initial cynicism faded away into realisation that indeed men need a day to relax and to feel good that the world has finally decided to acknowledge his efforts and existence.
Centuries of social conditioning aid in sustaining this seemingly obscure behaviour of self-destruction; and this has been one of the most important traits of man throughout the history of mankind. Roles of men and women has evolved with the need of the times, and its still evolving in the modern era of ‘Knowledge’ where most of the jobs are knowledge based and not based on physical strength. Nevertheless the jobs which still has to be done manually, which has an element of risk and physical strength to it, gets done by men by and large- the responsibilities which they discharge without even batting an eyelid, owing to the same social-conditioning and inherent traits of putting oneself in the line of fire.
It is natural that nothing but spectacular or nail-biting gets noticed in this world, the same limitations of public perception paves way to the discounting and almost discrediting of the efforts by men. When a man does his duties, as per the social situation he is in, it is just that he is fulfilling the bare necessities of his existence. All said and done he neither gets appreciation nor acknowledgement for what he does in his lifetime, and since a man is not supposed to cry in desperation he is short-changed in that department too!
Earlier when men were supposed to defend kingdoms, farms, hamlets, households, dignity of his womenfolk, etc., may be expressions of love were in the form of social status, reverence and fear offered by the rest of the society. But this we are talking about millennia back in time, but in these times of ‘knowledge’ how do people acknowledge and appreciate each other, what other than ‘expressions of love’, an almost equivalent to a hug, a day earmarked for somebody who needs a hug. But again it is universally wondered why man needs a day to acknowledge him, its almost like on one day you have women’s day and all other days in an year are for men. This is as fallacious as saying; all the unsold toffees are there for the shop owner to enjoy! . Unless one is hugged, the person remains un-hugged; there is no shortcut to this road.
Connecting all these impressions to the familial situation that is prevailing in our society these days is also important. The way young men and women have dearth of respect and patience, if not love, in their relationship as a couple, it is almost imminent that more single parenting situations arise, a rise of a father-less society to be specific, given the inclination of our judiciary and society- denying fathers the rights of the children and thereby actually denying children their fathers. Again there have been numerous studies, the result of which is not oblivious to common wisdom too, that single parenting leads to behavioural aberrations in children and which in turn leads them to be adults with major personality disorders. Do we owe this to our children, a reality worse than ours?
An even daunting extension of the above scenario is the specter of fragmented families not in touch with each other, leading to even marriages among biological brothers and sisters. This is not at all figment of anyone’s imagination since these scenarios have already manifested themselves, almost extensively, in the western world, who are unfortunately the fore-runners of this scenario too. The moot question before us, as a nation proud of its families as strong building blocks, is that whether we would want to ape the west even in the way their societies have disintegrated into total anarchy. If not, why don’t we sit up and take lessons from the way they have disintegrated, and what to be beware of, what the west has painfully realised and is taking up as first-aid, moreover revisiting our morals and values for its time-tested efficacy and clairvoyance, in sustaining families as units of excellence and satisfaction.
What can we do as individuals? , a lot, is the answer. We can lead by example for one, and that’s the only way our children will imbibe values for a lifetime, we could start by respecting each other, we can salute the completeness attained when a man and woman join together. A complete entity, with so much diversity in life-skills and traits, could not be attained in a single organism and hence we had to be split (for fans of evolution- we had to evolve) into man and woman. Since we rightly have a women’s day let us complete the circle of goodness by having a men’s day, where we acknowledge the men in our life, be it a father, brother, son, uncle, nephew, friend, grand father, cousin, doctor, boss, anyone who you have thought favourably of, let them know your appreciation, lets keep a day in honour of them too- NOVEMBER 19th – is International Men’s Day.
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Hallmark & SIF Bringing out Men's Day Cards: An email to discuss the possible concepts
Dear Ms.Aruna,
As discussed in our telecon I am attaching a Picture of father & daughter , which appealed to many us, in our group, facing alienation from our kids. This is in fact the our main page picture at one of our sub groups in the SIF Network; Save Indian Child : http://groups.yahoo.com/group/SaveIndianChild
I myself have not seen my eldest daughter(I have a newborn now, from my remarriage) since she was 1 month old, and for 5 years now I haven't seen or talked to her, or rather I have been denied that right, to put briefly.
But as discussed this bond of a father and daughter/child cannot be the sole concept, which would paint the entire picture with respect to the Men's day(anyway its taken care by exclusive "fathers day", but the question remains ....what happens to the segment "alienated fathers" do they deserve a separate day!? :), may be some day we will talk about this too, for now I am linking you to an article about our cause, going to be featured in a newsletter by a social organisation, see the bottom of this post).
But somehow we need to put elements of this aspect, of a man, in the cards we are now trying to conjure up.
As I mentioned, lets have images where Men are putting in their best for the family, for the Nation, for the causes and values which they get ready to die for. So that people sit and realise that ... yes.... this guy need to be hugged with a card, as mark of love and recognition for all the thankless efforts he has been putting in without even knowing to whether to expect some love at least in return or not!. When he puts his body in the line of fire, when he jumps into the torrent of a river without even blinking an eye to save a dear one, when he pulls a rickshaw under scorching sun gasping for air in plumes of noxious fumes and returns home tired, but with a toy for his children and love for his wife.... the ideas are endless, but how to put it subtly and still project the essence of this thankless existence, is what you guys in the creative side has been doing the best!.
If my messages are getting a bit emotional, I am sorry, its since I am getting emotional, since I , along with hundreds in our group(including fathers, grandmothers, grandfathers, aunts, sisters, etc.), have been short changed for love and respect, time and again, from among our kith and kin. Its not the problem with the person I am/we are up against, its the problem with the centuries or millenniums of social conditioning , which has been instrumental in programming everyone in our society to neglect/discredit men as some one who all the time needs and yearns for some expression of love from others, in the bottom of his heart!(moot point: why is a man not supposed to cry, is he not an emotional being, doesn't his tear glands have a mandate to cry out of emotion!).
Lets say it with cards, thank you my man, we all love you...... to brothers, sons, fathers, nephews, grandsons, great grandsons......Some such appropriately worded and heart-felt expressions(embellished by suitable Pictures and "Verbalised Hugs") which you and your creative team can make in a jiffy, but something which I can only get emotionally eloquent about!.
Every body needs to be touched deep inside, yes.... and....not just non-males :).
As discussed in our telecon I am attaching a Picture of father & daughter , which appealed to many us, in our group, facing alienation from our kids. This is in fact the our main page picture at one of our sub groups in the SIF Network; Save Indian Child : http://groups.yahoo.com/group/SaveIndianChild
I myself have not seen my eldest daughter(I have a newborn now, from my remarriage) since she was 1 month old, and for 5 years now I haven't seen or talked to her, or rather I have been denied that right, to put briefly.
But as discussed this bond of a father and daughter/child cannot be the sole concept, which would paint the entire picture with respect to the Men's day(anyway its taken care by exclusive "fathers day", but the question remains ....what happens to the segment "alienated fathers" do they deserve a separate day!? :), may be some day we will talk about this too, for now I am linking you to an article about our cause, going to be featured in a newsletter by a social organisation, see the bottom of this post).
But somehow we need to put elements of this aspect, of a man, in the cards we are now trying to conjure up.
As I mentioned, lets have images where Men are putting in their best for the family, for the Nation, for the causes and values which they get ready to die for. So that people sit and realise that ... yes.... this guy need to be hugged with a card, as mark of love and recognition for all the thankless efforts he has been putting in without even knowing to whether to expect some love at least in return or not!. When he puts his body in the line of fire, when he jumps into the torrent of a river without even blinking an eye to save a dear one, when he pulls a rickshaw under scorching sun gasping for air in plumes of noxious fumes and returns home tired, but with a toy for his children and love for his wife.... the ideas are endless, but how to put it subtly and still project the essence of this thankless existence, is what you guys in the creative side has been doing the best!.
If my messages are getting a bit emotional, I am sorry, its since I am getting emotional, since I , along with hundreds in our group(including fathers, grandmothers, grandfathers, aunts, sisters, etc.), have been short changed for love and respect, time and again, from among our kith and kin. Its not the problem with the person I am/we are up against, its the problem with the centuries or millenniums of social conditioning , which has been instrumental in programming everyone in our society to neglect/discredit men as some one who all the time needs and yearns for some expression of love from others, in the bottom of his heart!(moot point: why is a man not supposed to cry, is he not an emotional being, doesn't his tear glands have a mandate to cry out of emotion!).
Lets say it with cards, thank you my man, we all love you...... to brothers, sons, fathers, nephews, grandsons, great grandsons......Some such appropriately worded and heart-felt expressions(embellished by suitable Pictures and "Verbalised Hugs") which you and your creative team can make in a jiffy, but something which I can only get emotionally eloquent about!.
Every body needs to be touched deep inside, yes.... and....not just non-males :).
Lets make it good, lets do it.
Warm Regards,
Gokul - http://gokul.go.to/ , http://www.pifngo.info/ (Director),09895697372(at Kerala now, till Mid September), 9821414336(Mumbai)(Read and participate at http://www.siftimes.com/ (Editor), and at: http://siftimes.com/blog )
PS: Read on about our Save Indian Family scope, awareness and other objectives......... at: http://at498a.blogspot.com/2007/09/sif-awareness-article-for-newsletter-of.html
Warm Regards,
Gokul - http://gokul.go.to/ , http://www.pifngo.info/ (Director),09895697372(at Kerala now, till Mid September), 9821414336(Mumbai)(Read and participate at http://www.siftimes.com/ (Editor), and at: http://siftimes.com/blog )
PS: Read on about our Save Indian Family scope, awareness and other objectives......... at: http://at498a.blogspot.com/2007/09/sif-awareness-article-for-newsletter-of.html
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
SIF AWARENESS ARTICLE FOR NEWSLETTER OF 'PRABHU-SANGH'
Towards a good life- Protecting families, building a better India
It is a pleasure to write to you all through this wonderful publication, at the same its sad that we had to take up this cause which was forced on to our modern society by legal terrorism, which is widespread and leaves no one out of its ambit.
Yes, the following piece of information is concerned with any Indian National, Living anywhere in the world, since they themselves or their loved ones will be much better placed acquiring this bit of information, and hence working towards the solutions of this problem, which is being explained in the remaining sections.
Towards a good life- Protecting families, building a better India
It is a pleasure to write to you all through this wonderful publication, at the same its sad that we had to take up this cause which was forced on to our modern society by legal terrorism, which is widespread and leaves no one out of its ambit.
Yes, the following piece of information is concerned with any Indian National, Living anywhere in the world, since they themselves or their loved ones will be much better placed acquiring this bit of information, and hence working towards the solutions of this problem, which is being explained in the remaining sections.
The more awareness this menace of legal terrorism gets, the better since we can fight this “Systemic Rot” only with the majority franchise of responsible citizens of India. You may wonder what is new in the term ‘Systemic Rot’ or in general, ‘Corruption’ (of values, responsibilities, dealings, etc.), but this specific subject deals with the entire family one has, so is more horrifying and more serious than ever, please read on… while I will not try to mince words or ideas. Hope you read it for all of our wellness, and Indian families’ harmony.
Save Indian Family(SIF) - Vision
• We are an international network of NGOs and individuals (currently over 20 NGOs and 50,000 families across the globe), which is a Non-Profit, Self-Help, Support Group for victims of misuse of laws concerning families, ie. Domestic Violence, Dowry, Dowry & Law [IPC 498A]; and misuse of other Gender biased Laws. We started our activities in 2003, but grew exponentially, as the menace of legal terrorism and family destruction went rampant. For details &Media references, see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Save_Indian_Family
• Our aim is to reduce legal interference in simple inter-personal relationships, and to avoid victimisation of families by way of misuse of gender-biased laws. Last but not the least to instill a sense of value, and to inspire bonds based on respect and love, in both the partners who forms the basic building block of a family and hence a Nation.
Who constitutes SIF
• These laws concerning families are generally misused to wreck vengeance, gain control or extort money from the victim-family.
• This is the same reason why victim-families usually are well off and are well employed and well educated (IITs, IIMs, IAS/IPS, etc.). 90% of our current members are from the IT field, the rest are Doctors, Businessmen, even Judges and Policemen are not immune, apart from Politicians and Film actors. We have around 10% NRI members
• We have active members/groups/NGOs in UK(most parts of Europe), USA, Australia, Japan, South Africa, Tanzania, Botswana, all over Middle East, apart from over 20 centers in India. Please refer the helpline numbers at http://www.pifngo.info/ , for the extent of our network(Table towards the bottom of the main page)
Recent visual Media References
Save Indian Family(SIF) - Vision
• We are an international network of NGOs and individuals (currently over 20 NGOs and 50,000 families across the globe), which is a Non-Profit, Self-Help, Support Group for victims of misuse of laws concerning families, ie. Domestic Violence, Dowry, Dowry & Law [IPC 498A]; and misuse of other Gender biased Laws. We started our activities in 2003, but grew exponentially, as the menace of legal terrorism and family destruction went rampant. For details &Media references, see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Save_Indian_Family
• Our aim is to reduce legal interference in simple inter-personal relationships, and to avoid victimisation of families by way of misuse of gender-biased laws. Last but not the least to instill a sense of value, and to inspire bonds based on respect and love, in both the partners who forms the basic building block of a family and hence a Nation.
Who constitutes SIF
• These laws concerning families are generally misused to wreck vengeance, gain control or extort money from the victim-family.
• This is the same reason why victim-families usually are well off and are well employed and well educated (IITs, IIMs, IAS/IPS, etc.). 90% of our current members are from the IT field, the rest are Doctors, Businessmen, even Judges and Policemen are not immune, apart from Politicians and Film actors. We have around 10% NRI members
• We have active members/groups/NGOs in UK(most parts of Europe), USA, Australia, Japan, South Africa, Tanzania, Botswana, all over Middle East, apart from over 20 centers in India. Please refer the helpline numbers at http://www.pifngo.info/ , for the extent of our network(Table towards the bottom of the main page)
Recent visual Media References
• http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MgjA3KcQmWc & http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xaMZP7plUAQ : Janmath Tv program on Legal Terrorism-Aug 25,2007
• http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=awW3gsNqBCA : India Tv program covering SIF’s National Protest/Dharna against Legal Terrorism-Aug 25,2007
• http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YBN-lzpzTME : India Tv sting operation exposing a well-entrenched cartel including Government hospital Doctors who ‘makes’ medical certificates showing injuries so that families can be implicated in false cases-June 2007
• http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6pebTDzu2Nk : siftimes.com exclusive interview with Star Tamil actor Prashanth(film “Jeans” fame) who was implicated in false case of IPC 498a,by his ‘wife’ who married him while she was still married to another person(without a divorce!!!)- July 2007.
Brief History of SIF, Objectives and FAQ
Though SIFF(full official name Save Indian Family Foundation) came into formal existence in 2005 as a yahoogroup of individual members and NGOs, the movement can be traced back to 2003 when a group of individual members coordinated themselves and helped each other with information and other relevant issues, through internet discussion boards, emails and some other yahoo groups. At present SIFF is a registered entity, similarly to the member NGO- PIFF which is registered with the Ministry of Company Affairs.
Our primary aim is to facilitate a better family system for the progress of a family and hence positive progress of India.
Currently there is widespread insecurities and disputes including legal cases running through a vast majority of Indian families, owing to some Indian Laws concerning families which are Skewed, .not very well thought out and rationalised. Because of these skews or biases in our laws, more and more families are pushed into the ignominy of wastefully destructive litigations which runs into years and years of misery and lower productivity and peace of mind, hampering the peace and progress of our Indian families both in India as well as abroad. We aim to get these skewed laws, which result in broken and dysfunctional families, rationalised for better familial and national progress by and large, and hence facilitate a better family system wherever an Indian family may be across the globe.
Please find the following links for objectives of Save Indian Family(http://www.saveindianfamily.org/pages/SIFF_aims_objects.pdf ) and Protect Indian Family Foundation, which is a member-NGO of the SIF network. (http://protectindianfamily.org/index.php?module=articles&c=articles&b=2&a=1 and http://protectindianfamily.org/index.php?module=articles&c=articles&b=1&a=3)
Protect Indian Family Foundation(PIFF), Mumbai is an NGO Member of SIFF Network(the Umbrella movement in which many other national and International NGOs, Research organisations and Individuals/families across the globe are part of).
*********Some FAQs about our Movement- SIF ***********
1) Q -> First, our readers would wish to know more about this unique agenda called Save Indian family Network and all your campaign as part of it.
A-> There is an increasing trend of destructive influences vis-à-vis the Indian Family, one of the most obvious and avoidable being the bias in the legal system, which leads to destruction of many a Indian family. Instead of promotion Domestic Harmony these laws are unbalanced and seemingly plays to the politics of vote bank. For instance IPC 498a which is the law against cruelty against women (wives) is widely misused and is the cause of legal terrorism at the hands of unscrupulously opportunistic women, against her husband and relatives(including a mother and sister, on a average). Laws like this is so harsh in its powers that it could be manipulated to trap innocent victims even without any investigation by the police, just on the words of a law-misusing, extortionist wife. The original intent of these laws(including the new Domestic Violence Law) were to prevent offences against women, which is undisputed. We are only working towards amending these laws so that the scope of misuse is reduced, as well as to spread awareness and establish provisions to prevent offences against Men and his family members which is a growing trend as evidenced by worldwide activism by Men's Right Groups(http://at498a.blogspot.com/2007/04/radars-lobbying-against-international.html ).
2) Q-> Is there anything disconcerting trends in the society that spell concern/doom for the Indian family? If yes, what are the trends?.
A-> The trend of Materialism over and above familial progress, and the various offshoots of this trend. Especially the eagerness to get ahead of others even at the cost of one's own family and its progress.
3) Q-> Which are the most exaggerated and the most undermined roles in a traditional Indian family? (here you can make light of the more-often-than-not weak case of the man or supposed head of family)
A-> Roles are sometimes exaggerated but sometimes undermined, but there is an increasing trend of painting the role of men as oppressors, and women as victims- as if it is a universal constant!. If this was left at it, there would not have been much cause of worry, but laws are built on this premise, harshly against men, which are waiting to be misused at the hands of unscrupulous women- this is the case of worry.
4) Q-> How are the sets of family, society, community and nation connected and how can they be made mutually beneficial?
A-> Family is the basic block of a society and hence a nation. For a Nation to be progressing, the family first needs to be on that path. For a family to progress, there need be nurturing of members not oppression of any. When there the launch pad is firm, there is no limit to which one can reach.
5) Q-> Discuss the so-called domestic laws and their good points, flaws or even ambiguity or absence – dowry, inheritance, domestic violence, senior citizens etc.
A-> The good thing about Domestic laws is that they address the point when a woman is oppressed, the bad point is also that they address only the scenario in which a woman is oppressed, not the scenarios in which Men are oppressed. The recent Protection of Women against Domestic Violence law even necessitates that the complainant needs to be a women and the accused(respondent) needs to be a Man, thus excluding other scenarios of domestic violence from this laws ambit. What happens to the senior citizens who are oppressed by women, men harassed my women?. Though our dowry laws has a provision for punishment of Dowry Givers, how many instances of dowry giving has been punished?!. Surprised?. In how many instances have girls married (for whatever reasons it may be) lesser-established boys without paying dowry?(by not buying the boy)
6) Q-> Any other fact relevant to the context of the Indian family and that needs to be crusaded against… Crusade for…..
A-> Crusade for….. educating young men and women about what a marriage entails, what partners need to contribute, what values to imbibe, need for perseverance before thoughts of luxury.
Explicitly: Establishing framework and laws that promote family as the building block for progress.
Crusade against…. The trend of need for instant gratification, in the process, intolerance to efforts and results.
Explicitly: Opposing laws and lobbies, which lead to moral decay and oppression towards selective sections of our society.
*************** End of FAQ****************
Also check out this http://www.angelfire.com/pe/terzohrab/dowrylaw.html: Indian Dowry Law (498a) : Myth vs. Reality
- An investigative Report© 2005-2007 Asha-Kiran. All rights reserved.
(Disclaimer: None of the material can be reproduced, displayed, modified or distributed without the permission of the copyright holder. For permission, contact: mailto:help.ashakiran@gmail.com.)
Also see another ink which will help you understand why even Supreme court finds the misuse of laws like 498a, horrendous: http://www.saveindianfamily.org/blogs/2005/07/22/sc-legal-terrorism/
See some observations on the new Domestic Violence law which also could be misused to gargantuan proportions: http://www.saveindianfamily.org/blogs/2006/11/13/sif-opposes-dvlaw .
Our Activities:
As mentioned we have local SIF chapters/active members/NGOs in UK(most parts of Europe), USA, Australia, Japan, Singapore, Malaysia, South Africa, Tanzania, Botswana, all over Middle East, apart from over 20 centers in India. Please refer the helpline numbers at http://www.pifngo.info/ , for the extent of our network(Table towards the bottom of the main page).
We conduct weekly counseling meetings in most of our local groups, where we impart legal as well as emotional strength to the new members, while the old members move on to be Activists armed with new values and tools of knowledge(which kills fear), of trust(which increases synergy), of values(which makes on strong from inside), of socially responsible Action(which makes one selfless). So we invite all socially aware and responsible Indian Citizens to help out fellow humans, even if one may not be remotely involved in the menace depicted in the previous sections. We need each other for building a good tomorrow. Please come forward without prejudice, fear or hesitation. All are welcome to join this movement for fighting for ones right to have a honourable life, for truth, for justice and for dignity and love.
Jai Hind
Gokul.P.R
For Protect Indian Family, NGO, Mumbai
http://pifngo.info/ , Helplines: +91 9224335577, 9869323538 .
Read daily news at : http://www.siftimes.com/ , participate in discussions at www.siftimes.com/blog
Our Activities:
As mentioned we have local SIF chapters/active members/NGOs in UK(most parts of Europe), USA, Australia, Japan, Singapore, Malaysia, South Africa, Tanzania, Botswana, all over Middle East, apart from over 20 centers in India. Please refer the helpline numbers at http://www.pifngo.info/ , for the extent of our network(Table towards the bottom of the main page).
We conduct weekly counseling meetings in most of our local groups, where we impart legal as well as emotional strength to the new members, while the old members move on to be Activists armed with new values and tools of knowledge(which kills fear), of trust(which increases synergy), of values(which makes on strong from inside), of socially responsible Action(which makes one selfless). So we invite all socially aware and responsible Indian Citizens to help out fellow humans, even if one may not be remotely involved in the menace depicted in the previous sections. We need each other for building a good tomorrow. Please come forward without prejudice, fear or hesitation. All are welcome to join this movement for fighting for ones right to have a honourable life, for truth, for justice and for dignity and love.
Jai Hind
Gokul.P.R
For Protect Indian Family, NGO, Mumbai
http://pifngo.info/ , Helplines: +91 9224335577, 9869323538 .
Read daily news at : http://www.siftimes.com/ , participate in discussions at www.siftimes.com/blog
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