This for consolidating Awareness Campaigns and tips to fight Misuse of IPC section 498a and other women-protection laws.
Right now many of us are doing promotional/email campaigns separately, and we don't have synergy here(once we consolidate, we can refer data, get inspired by successful pitches etc.). So please ask me(email: drmura (at) hotmail.com) to send a Member Invitation.
Have you ever seen a television advert supposed to represent a “bog-standard household”, which does not feature a mum who is competent and organised (possibly clutching a pencil, looking thoughtful, and then writing something down on a list) and a bumbling halfwit dad who looks game but has the skill-set and sheepish dependency of a puppy which hasn’t learned to control its bladder.
Nope. Me neither.
“TV ad mum” shoulders both the burden of bringing up her children and supporting a man who contributes zero – no housework, no childcare. “Tv ad dad”, meanwhile, can barely be trusted to look after the remote control. He is too busy drinking brightly coloured alco-yuk to help at home; if by some miracle he tries, he will screw things up so comprehensively that, for comic effect, he will be shown trailing a poo-filled nappy around stuck to his shoe.
Having opened the fridge to find it empty, he will then roll his eyes at his wife, who has just returned from the supermarket and is simultaneously juggling three children under three and 14 heavy shopping bags.
It is a total outrage. No wonder us men are fuming at these reductive, stereotypical gender-based images, which bear no relation to the complex reality of the care and responsibility we devote to our family duties. No wonder you’ve seen all those marches, and heard all those mid-morning Radio 4 talk-shows earnestly discussing the fact that we need a more accurate representation of the contribution of modern men to domestic life...
Oh… no you haven’t.
But don’t worry. Thankfully women have done it for us. Thank God. Yes.A recent Saatchi and Saatchi survey has revealed that while women rarely identified with the women portrayed in British advertising, what got them angriest – what got them really steamed up - was the way that adverts portray men.
“The suggestion that dads are clowns, or, worse, sideshows, is the final faux pas that marketers make,” it noted.
Us men. Honestly, eh? We are useless. I mean, there we are, being horribly traduced by the global marketing industry, being bandied around as incompetent, lazy halfwits. And what do we do about it? Naff all. Nothing. Nada. Do we even bother to lift a finger to get insulted or worked up? Nope. Can we be trusted to feel appropriately discriminated against? Of course not. We need women to do it for us. It’s the same old story.
Bloody Typical.
***********************End of Artcle*********************************************
It's not that men do not or have not protested against portrayal of men in a bad light, they definitely have, but those protests usually fall on deaf ears.... but it becomes grave enough to be noticed only when women protests against the same thing(against men being portrayed inappropriately in media)..... this is not a new phenomenon.. it's essentially what the term "Men are disposable" means!.
Here are some protests which men did, against inappropriate portrayal of men in advertisements/media
2) Other protests: In September 2008, Save Family Foundation sent a complaint against a Kitply plywood commercial(The DNA news report also quoted below) to the Advertising Standards Council of India. The ad showed a wife slapping her husband on her wedding day because of a creaking bed. The complaint alleged that the ad promoted violence against men by portraying it as funny. Swarup Sarkar of Save Family Foundation said that violence against women draws strong reactions, but violence against men on public television is ignored. In the same month, Suresh Ram of Chennai-based organization Indiya Kudumba Pathukappu Iyaakam, complained against a Pond's ad which portrayed men as wife-beaters and an ICICI Prudential Insurance commercial which portrayed verbal and economical abuse against men.
They have complained to the Advertising Standards Council of India asking it to ban the commercial.
NEW DELHI: The latest Kitply commercial, in which a wife slaps her husband on their wedding night because their bed made from ordinary plywood kept creaking, has not gone down well with men organisations, who feel that the ad and its likes promote domestic violence. They have complained to the Advertising Standards Council of India asking it to ban the commercial.
“It’s a derogatory commercial, which promotes physical, emotional and financial abuse of men. Kitply may consider it a joke, but violence is not funny; be it against a man or a woman. We are sure you would find the same commercial with reversed roles revolting and so, we urge you to revoke the commercial immediately and take strong legal actions against those who promote domestic violence,” said Save Family Foundation (SFF), an organisation for harassed men, in its complaint.
“It is evident corporates are also responsible for 56,000 married men committing suicides, as they encourage wives to hit their husbands and justify it as alright because it is telecast on the TV,” the complaint stated.
Said Swarup Sarkar of SFF, “There a big hue and cry if a wife is hurt by her husband, but a blind eye is turned when there’s a public display of a wife hitting her husband. Any sort of violence between the spouses is considered illegal and termed as domestic violence or gender violence across the world. Depicting violence on national TV is unacceptable.”
Some groups have also written to Kitply asking it to withdraw the commercial or face legal action and have also called to boycott any product whose ads talk or promote domestic violence. Some women organisations have also joined in the campaign.
Talking to DNA from Kolkata, a Kitply official acknowledged receiving complaints to withdraw the commercial. “We do not feel the ad is offensive. But since there are complaints, we will discuss it in the managing committee meeting this week. It will be difficult to withdraw the ad because we have already tied up with the TV channels. But the final decision will be taken in the meeting,” said Sandeep Sawalka, senior operations manager of Kitply.
Men groups have also protested against a Hindustan Lever Limited, Ponds commercial promoting a scar-removing fairness cream and an ICICI Prudential Insurance commercial.
“The Ponds ad terms husbands as wife beaters and the ICICI ad portrays verbal and economical abuse against men,” said Suresh Ram of Chennai-based organisation Indiya Kudumba Pathukappu Iyaakam. p_vineeta@dnaindia.net
"Man's Voice" is a helpline for men in distress for counseling from an emotional point of view. Man's Voice has been launched today, on International Men's Day, 19th November, 2010.
Many a times after undergoing trauma one gets so depressed and demotivated that the person does not even have the will to fight and solve impending problems, its from this perspective that "Man's Voice" would offer a helping hand to Men in distress.
Once mind is clear and soul picks itself up, the sky is the limit for anyone's potential, and this exactly is Man's Voice's endeavour; to liberate people from "dis"stress and facilitating the use of inherent and infinite potential in them.
Do spread the good word among your contacts and social circles.
************* Man's Voice is a helpline for men (For help/counselling and enquiries: Please send an email to mansvoice@siftimes.com)
Why Man's Voice? Men in general are conditioned or socialised such that they are unable to share their sorrows with another in their family or in their social circuit. If they cry, they are considered to be weak in most societies including the Indian community. Hence, they tend to withold, suppress or repress their feelings even when faced with traumatic situations, break-ups, victimisation due to lop-sided laws concerning their families, which can result in depression. This depression can result in problems in the family and at workplace.
A team of professional counsellors will provide guidance to men, who need a listening ear and direct them to the proper channels if and when needed.
How do I contact a Man's Voice Counsellor?
You can contact them through smses/calls to their mobile phones or through emails(Helpline email: mansvoice@siftimes.com).
The first two sessions will be free. The fees for the follow up sessions will depend on the counsellor. The callers are free to continue with the counsellors or find their own counsellors after the free sessions.
If anyone needs legal help for family or men's rights related matters, you all can refer/send them the information quoted below or mention the short weblink "http://bit.ly/faqsif" to them over phone, which will be enough to satisfy their queries in this regard
Information which can be given for callers needing legal help:
For all your family and/or men's rights/legal issues, you can contact the nearest helpline of SIF (http://www.saveindianfamily.org/con...) and attend weekly meetings, which will help you solve your issues.
Six pillars and guiding principles of International Men's Day
1. Promoting positive male role models. 2. Celebrating men’s positive contributions. 3. Focusing on men’s health and wellbeing. 4. Highlighting discrimination. 5. Improving gender relations and promoting equality. 6. Creating a safer, better world.
There may be more ‘stay-at-home’ mums than dads, but equal numbers of working fathers who posses natural care instincts and contribute much to the nurture and protection of children and dependent family members even when they work full time.
Many men who hold down well-paying jobs to provide financially defer the role of primary carer to their female partners, by mutual choice.
Society does not readily accommodate men in the role of full-time homemaker and the often negative portrayal of men in the news and entertainment media discourages more fathers from taking on the primary care responsibilities for young children.
Most dads endeavor to provide the right balance of financial and emotional support and personal involvement in activities for the benefit of their families; and men’s role in providing direct or indirect care for children and family members is worthy of acknowledgment.
Global website: www.international-mens-day.com
November 19
celebrating men’s
contributions to childcare
Discrimination
Discrimination and gender inequitable outcomes also affect men and boys in countries around the world, including:
• Under-representation in areas of education and employment.
• Higher rates of death and disability through suicide and hazardous work.
• In many countries, men experience inequitable outcomes in child custody disputes and disproportionate emotional and financial burdens following divorce.
• Double standards in the sexist and negative portrayal of males in the entertainment media; and product advertising which portray simulated violence by the opposite sex against men as trivial and acceptable.
• No ‘whole-of-government’ advocacy for male gender inequity issues.
• The plight of male victims of abuse is often ignored in government-sponsored anti-domestic violence education campaigns.
• General lack of government recognition and annual observance of “International Men’s Day” to acknowledge existing inequitable outcomes and honour the equally valuable financial and social contributions that men and boys make to the global community.
Many governments have lost sight of these facts and the need for advocacy and affirmative action to correct gender discrimination and inequitable outcomes that impact negatively on the lives of men and boys also.
Global website: www.international-mens-day.com
Domestic Violence
Domestic violence takes the form of physical, verbal and emotional abuse to intimidate and control. Without diminishing the responsibility of men to treat women with respect, International Men’s Day recognises that males too are victims; and face unique problems in dealing with violence by the opposite sex.
In many countries, statistics on domestic violence are sourced only from surveys of women and the male perspective on reported cases is often not known. Statistics acknowledge that women also assault men but excuse it on the basis of provocation or self-defence.
Government sponsored anti-violence education campaigns tend to focus solely on the responsibility of men.
Few men report abuse by the opposite sex for fear of being ridiculed or having the blame turned back on them because of the flawed mindset in many communities that ‘men can look after themselves’.
Popular culture in many countries tolerates women striking men for offending female sensitivities and accepts casual female violence against men in films, product advertising and TV sitcoms as light-hearted entertainment.
Physical size and strength does not protect a passive male against a determined female aggressor who fears no recrimination on the excuse that ‘a man should never hit a women under any circumstances.’
The plight of male victims of domestic violence is a serious issue that receives little or no empathy and government and media have obligations in addressing it.
Global website: www.international-mens-day.com
Men’s Health
Men fall victim to various serious illnesses including cancers, heart disease and stroke. Some men’s health issues are genetic and others are linked to lifestyle factors and risk-taking behaviour.
Alarmingly, the male suicide rate is up to 4 times higher; and up to 90% of work-related deaths are males, due to the greater tendency for men to work in hazardous occupations.
So far as it depends on the individual, men must take control of looking after themselves. Occupation and life-style safety matter as does good diet, exercise and mental health.
Low self-esteem and depression also affect men and boys and various factors can trigger it. There are things men can do to avoid preventable illness.
• Choose a GP and have at least one general physical medical check-up annually.
• Don’t ignore negative feelings about your self worth or suffer on with depression.
• Seek help from your doctor early about significant health problems.
• Investigate ‘Men’s Health’ services and websites about male-specific illness and concerns.
Men’s health matters - take the time to address it!
"The fun really begins at the Immunity Task when the boys put their future generations at stake during the Ball Bursting quiz ;). Here, the girls get tested on their Hindi vocabulary - one mistake and the guys get it between their legs. " ........................
Thus goes the description for the latest Roadies episode in which young boys get whacked on their scrotum with a pole!, as girls answer a quiz which supposedly tests Hindi - our National language... television has touched a new low, an abysmal low just in the pursuit of TRPs, advocating mis-andry in the process.'
See the ball breaker episode, all the 5 videos of this Roadies episode are in the below playlist:
We should complain to ministry of Broadcasting and other watchdog bodies about this inhuman and negatively influencing trend........ in general roadies inculcates hatred as a desired attitude and makes the format of their show a very 'dog eat dog' one... which is not at all a responsible thing to do.
Roadies is just riding by pandering to young peoples baser instincts of hatred, bitchiness, scheming and rudeness and such undesirable traits, we need to stop this immediately.
We may see people emulating these things on campus/ragging soon and god forbid we lose lives, even otherwise spreading a message that humiliating and paining others are "fun-stuff" is worse enough.
My comment to the "Roadies" production unit:
Hi raghu and other makers of roadies,
How did u all think that the "ball busting" task was an amusing thingto do to enrich roadies?. It was the most barbaric thing i had seen on tv. Had you guys assessed the physical risks and the negative effects the "ball busting" task would have over the impresisonable target audience Roadies commands?.
We at protect indian family demand a explanation and a public apology from the production team of roadies, and would urge you to cease and desist from incorporating such negative footage in future roadies editions.
Is this Scrotum-Pole experience the meaning of "Roadies - hell down under? ", it better not be!, since we will react against such anti-social 'feeds' in the name of FUN.
Pls find below the consolidated responses till now, regarding your Roadies episode Ball Busting of young boys(6 boys getting hit on their scrotum for mistakes made by the girls answering a so called quiz). Your programming consistentaly and grossly violates the Content code and Self Regulation Guidelines - http://mib.gov.in/informationb/CODES/ContentCode100308.pdf
Iam also attaching this communication as a wordpad file for easy reference.
regards Gokul ********************* 1st response(after my original response quoted at the bottom) to MTv's insensitive and gender-hatred mongering programming**************** Re: Roadies: "Fun" while boy's get 'ball busted?' Posted by: "ROHAN DHARESH" rohandharesh@yahoo.co.in HYPERLINK "http://profiles.yahoo.com/rohandharesh"rohandharesh Sun Jan 18, 2009 4:26 am (PST) Hi Raghu and others,It is very unfortunate that in the name of fun, all kinds of bodily harm is inflicted on the guys participating in it. Just because there is a lot of competition in the media, it doesn't mean that anything and everything can be performed or shown. Inflicting bodily harm or any kind of violence is a violation of Press Council of India norms and broadcasters norms. This is allowed to happen just because men are considered disposable creatures. I request you to immediately STOP the show failing which I will have to take the next step. No civilized society can allow such stupid shows in the name of fun.Awaiting an realy reply.Regards.Rohan ********************* 2nd response to MTv's insensitive and gender-hatred mongering programming**************** Re: Roadies: "Fun" while boy's get 'ball busted?' Posted by: "gorky_maksim" gorky_maksim@yahoo.com HYPERLINK "http://profiles.yahoo.com/gorky_maksim"gorky_maksim Sun Jan 18, 2009 10:59 am (PST) Ball Bursting and Bobbitising (cutting the penis by women) are comicstuff for society. These were social norms even before 498a or DV came.Men are considered disposable and are emotionally castrated at age of7. If they become criminals and rapists, then they raise a hue and cry.Who gave the society the right to make men disposable?We did.Unless, we change the attitudes ourselves, and kick the society, thejudges and politicians will not change.]We have not change attitude of a million men in next 6 months throughmedia and bombardment in Internet. ********************* 3rd response to MTv's insensitive and gender-hatred mongering programming****************
Re: Roadies: "Fun" while boy's get 'ball busted?' Posted by: "parthaab" parthaab@yahoo.com HYPERLINK "http://profiles.yahoo.com/parthaab"parthaab Sun Jan 18, 2009 8:01 pm (PST) feedback@mtvindia. comSir, SUB : "Ball busting" in "Roadies"The makers of "Roadies" should apologise for the propagation of misandry as an acceptable culture. Misandry, is a abuse of males based on gender. We have too many 'socially accepted' forms of misandry, that males need to be AWARE of. Males, unfortunately, do not speak up for themselves when they are abused. Here are a few examples of 'socially accepted' misandry :1. Circumcision in males2. Conscription of males without compensation for the years lost ( unlike in 'maternal leave' for females )3. Much more funding for breast cancer, as opposed to prostate cancer4. Ragging, etc.etc.This is also due to TV advertisements . - from domestic cleaning agents, to car insurance, to food, which all portray the male as the stupid moron, and the female as the one who provides a solution to his stupidity by using the product being advertised. This creates gender roles where women are the smart, cool, sophisticated and innocent gender, and men are the complacent, retarded, pathetic gender.Insentising people to the pain felt by males is deplorable. The producers must make amends by apologising and making males aware of misandry and their rights.Parthasarathy ********************* 4th response to MTv's insensitive and gender-hatred mongering programming**************** Re: Roadies: "Fun" while boy's get 'ball busted?' Posted by: "sureshram56" sureshram56@yahoo.co.in HYPERLINK "http://profiles.yahoo.com/sureshram56"sureshram56 Sun Jan 18, 2009 8:20 pm (PST) ViricideViricide is the systematic killing of men for various reasons, usually cultural. Viricide is seen as a gender crime. Viricide may happen during war to reduce an enemy's potential pool of soldiers.Perhaps one of the earliest examples of viricide in recorded history occurred some time during the 600s BCE when Ionian pirates massacred the men of Miletus, forced the Milesian women into marriage with them, and settled the city of Miletus in the Milesian men's stead.[4] It has been written that forever afterward the Milesian women would neither eat with their husbands nor address them by name.[5][6]The most famed example of viricide in Western literature is recounted in the Book of Matthew in the New Testament of the Bible. If modern scholars are correct in establishing the birth of Jesus as around the year 3 BCE, the slaughter would have taken shortly thereafter. Matthew 2:16 states that Herod ordered what is known as the Massacre of the Innocents, which modern scholars note may be apocryphal[7] rather than an actual historical event:" Then when Herod saw that he had been tricked by the magi, he became very enraged, and sent and slew all the male children who were in Bethlehem and all its vicinity, from two years old and under, according to the time which he had determined from the magi. " —Matthew 2:16, New American Standard BibleIn 627 CE, the men and boys of the Qurayza were beheaded by Muhammad[8] after the tribe surrendered. They condition of the surrender were they would be tried and passed judgement by Sa'd ibn Mu'adh, a chief of their allied tribe of Aws. After asking what the punishment for treason was in Jewish law, all the males were decapitated.Pakistan targeted male intellectuals for extermination in the erstwhile province of East Pakistan (present day Bangladesh) during the 1971 Bangladesh atrocities[9] Male Gendercide was also carried out by Pol pot in Cambodia, thanks to which a large percentage of Cambodia's present population are women.[10] During the 1984 Anti-Sikh riots men were targeted overwhelmingly on account of them being breadwinners of the family.[10] More recents examples include the 1988 Anfal campaign against Kurdish men and boys[11][12] [13] in Iraq and the Srebrenica massacre of Bosniak men and boys on July 12, 1995http://en.wikipedia .org/wiki/ Gendercide ************1st complaint to Ministry of broadcasting and Information *************** To, The Additional Secretary (P&A)/Public Grievances Cell( Jsp.inb@nic.in ), Ministry of Broadcasting & Information R.No. 552, A-Wing, Shastri Bhawan, New Delhi - 110001 Messers, Subject: Complaint against the program "Roadies" on MTv Channel, for showing content which is Violent, Humiliating and inflicts bodily harm to the participants of the show(in clear violation to the Content Code and Self Regulation Guidelines of Broadcasters) "The fun really begins at the Immunity Task when the boys put their future generations at stake during the Ball Bursting quiz ;). Here, the girls get tested on their Hindi vocabulary - one mistake and the guys get it between their legs. " ........................Thus goes the description for the latest Roadies episode in which young boys get whacked on their scrotum with a pole!, as girls answer a quiz which supposedly tests Hindi - our National language... television has touched a new low, an abysmal low just in the pursuit of TRPs, advocating mis-andry in the process.'This episode can be viewed at: http://mtvindia.com/roadies/videos_episodes.php?showname=Episode%202 Such inhuman and negatively influencing trend has to be nipped in the bud........ in general "Roadies" inculcates hatred as a desired attitude and makes their format akin to 'dog eat dog'... which is not at all a responsible thing to do. This disturbing trend has been continuing right from the audition(initial selection of the participants) where the aspirants are humiliated, violated, abused and some time inflicted pain, etc.Roadies is just riding by pandering to the young audience's baser instincts of hatred, bitchiness, scheming and rudeness and such undesirable traits, we need to stop this immediately. We at Protect Indian Family, NGO, Mumbai and Save Indian Family Foundation a worldwide network of NGOs demand suitable actions against the erring parties, especially the makers of Roadies and a public apology so that we can try and contain the damage which has already been caused. Requesting your office to keep us intimated of the actions taken up at each stage of the process. Warm Regards Gokul
************2nd complaint to Ministry of broadcasting and Information *************** Complaint to Ministry of Broadcasting & Information: MTV Roadies obj Posted by: "Virag" virag.v@gmail.com HYPERLINK "http://profiles.yahoo.com/talk2virag"talk2virag Sun Jan 18, 2009 9:13 pm (PST) To,The Additional Secretary (P&A)/Public Grievances Cell(Jsp.inb@nic. in),Ministry of Broadcasting & InformationR.No. 552, A-Wing, Shastri Bhawan,New Delhi - 110001Respected Sir,Save Indian Family Foundation would like to air its strong objection andcondemnation to the theme of MTV roadies wherein the boy gets a hit in thescrotum for girls making mistakes. The episode can be seen at,http://mtvindia. com/roadies/ videos_episodes. php?showname= Episode%202We all know the TV shows are blind followers of sensationalism and they areso blind that they have forgotten and deeply buried their sense of socialresponsibility. Performing such a dastardly act on TV is spreading poison inthe society. The notoriously famous MTV music channel is not coming underscanner for the first time. Your good office has issued warnings to thischannel earlier as well for other objectionable content and the channel hasbeen instructed by your good office to display the warning on their telecastsome one year back.MTV being a habitual offender of violation of basics of Content Code andSelf Regulation Guidelines of Broadcasters, needs to be banned from airingits shows since its very concept of program is detrimental to the existenceof a well behaved society.It injects, violence (especially violence against males), insensitivity,bitchiness, hatred and dispassion amongst its participants and viewersequally. If the channel had shown violence against females, the act wouldhave made great news and probably by now the channel would have been offair. But since it is against men, it is being allowed to continue?Violence, irrespective of the gender of its victim, is condemnable in allforms and needs strict action against its perpetrators.We, Save Indian Family Foundation <http://www.saveindi anfamily. org> stronglyurge removal of the program from air and a strict penalty be imposed on thechannel and its designers and content publishers as your good office maydeem as fit and just.Thanks & RegardsViragPublic Relations OfficerSave Indian Family Foundation, BangaloreReality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.http://www.saveindi anfamily. orghttp://www.antidowr y.orghttp://legalfighter .wordpress. comhttp://www.wemen. us/http://www.crisp- india.orghttp://www.merinews .com/allArticles .do;jsessionid= BD553EEC98EAF167 806C6437009FFBE6 ?choice=ByUser& pageNo=1& userId=crusaderhttp://legalfighter .instablogs. com/http://crusader- indianjustice. blogspot. com/
Relevance of Love, Respect and Patience in modern familial situations- A Men’s day special.
There have been a lot of studies commissioned to ascertain the causes of family breakdowns, divorces, etc., but without going into those results we can summarise that Love, Respect and Patience are the three prime factors which make a family tick. When at least these three prevail in a relationship, issues and conflicts resolve at the earliest and the bond finds new thresholds and heights of synergy. If these factors are eclipsed or are absent, even silly ego clashes and difference of opinions lead to irreparable ruptures in relationships, including litigations and other court matters.
So it is arguable that in these times of super efficiency and high-strung performance anxieties, we need to balance the paucity of time for each other by deliberately taking out time to acknowledge each others role and importance in building up a successfully satisfying family; a family where someone is a father, a mother, daughter, a son, a brother, a sister, etc. While historically many of our societies have acknowledged women’s contributions and importance in sustaining a progressive society, acknowledging men was not considered necessary because of various reasons including chivalry itself. In these modern times this deliberate step of acknowledging a man’s role is also very important, just like acknowledging women on women’s day.
Here are some images which could bring out the necessity of International Men’s day: Men toiling under the wrath of the hot sun, inhaling noxious exhaust all through the day only for returning home to be with his beloveds, and to ensure that all the members have enough supplies to survive on, to be happy even if he has to scorch himself this way for a lifetime. Men selflessly putting themselves in the line of duty and fire to defend their country and hence thousands of its citizens, who do not even acknowledge his contributions and sacrifice. Men making a living amongst inhospitable conditions like furnaces, oil rigs, deserts, hazardous waste management, toxic sewage, nuclear plants, and other high risk occupations, doing these only following certain values of ‘providing’, ‘sacrificing’, selflessly toiling and silently bearing the brunt.
I asked some close associates in the opposite sex about why there should at all be a men’s day these were the reactions. From the infant stage the stress of getting into diapers and restricting themselves into the damp contours till the time of relief, to the crammed school commute in rickshaws or buses, it seems that boys are more susceptible to the stress factors. This observation is well backed by the lowering of the age for heart attacks among males, which now a days is not uncommon at the age of even thirty five!. Another observation was simply that they deserve a men’s day just because they are the ones who get entangled in the cross fire between a mother in law and a daughter in law, but I thought aloud why cannot these ladies cease to have a cross-fire at all! . Anyway it was a majority of approvers after the initial cynicism faded away into realisation that indeed men need a day to relax and to feel good that the world has finally decided to acknowledge his efforts and existence.
Centuries of social conditioning aid in sustaining this seemingly obscure behaviour of self-destruction; and this has been one of the most important traits of man throughout the history of mankind. Roles of men and women has evolved with the need of the times, and its still evolving in the modern era of ‘Knowledge’ where most of the jobs are knowledge based and not based on physical strength. Nevertheless the jobs which still has to be done manually, which has an element of risk and physical strength to it, gets done by men by and large- the responsibilities which they discharge without even batting an eyelid, owing to the same social-conditioning and inherent traits of putting oneself in the line of fire.
It is natural that nothing but spectacular or nail-biting gets noticed in this world, the same limitations of public perception paves way to the discounting and almost discrediting of the efforts by men. When a man does his duties, as per the social situation he is in, it is just that he is fulfilling the bare necessities of his existence. All said and done he neither gets appreciation nor acknowledgement for what he does in his lifetime, and since a man is not supposed to cry in desperation he is short-changed in that department too!
Earlier when men were supposed to defend kingdoms, farms, hamlets, households, dignity of his womenfolk, etc., may be expressions of love were in the form of social status, reverence and fear offered by the rest of the society. But this we are talking about millennia back in time, but in these times of ‘knowledge’ how do people acknowledge and appreciate each other, what other than ‘expressions of love’, an almost equivalent to a hug, a day earmarked for somebody who needs a hug. But again it is universally wondered why man needs a day to acknowledge him, its almost like on one day you have women’s day and all other days in an year are for men. This is as fallacious as saying; all the unsold toffees are there for the shop owner to enjoy! . Unless one is hugged, the person remains un-hugged; there is no shortcut to this road.
Connecting all these impressions to the familial situation that is prevailing in our society these days is also important. The way young men and women have dearth of respect and patience, if not love, in their relationship as a couple, it is almost imminent that more single parenting situations arise, a rise of a father-less society to be specific, given the inclination of our judiciary and society- denying fathers the rights of the children and thereby actually denying children their fathers. Again there have been numerous studies, the result of which is not oblivious to common wisdom too, that single parenting leads to behavioural aberrations in children and which in turn leads them to be adults with major personality disorders. Do we owe this to our children, a reality worse than ours?
An even daunting extension of the above scenario is the specter of fragmented families not in touch with each other, leading to even marriages among biological brothers and sisters. This is not at all figment of anyone’s imagination since these scenarios have already manifested themselves, almost extensively, in the western world, who are unfortunately the fore-runners of this scenario too. The moot question before us, as a nation proud of its families as strong building blocks, is that whether we would want to ape the west even in the way their societies have disintegrated into total anarchy. If not, why don’t we sit up and take lessons from the way they have disintegrated, and what to be beware of, what the west has painfully realised and is taking up as first-aid, moreover revisiting our morals and values for its time-tested efficacy and clairvoyance, in sustaining families as units of excellence and satisfaction.
What can we do as individuals? , a lot, is the answer. We can lead by example for one, and that’s the only way our children will imbibe values for a lifetime, we could start by respecting each other, we can salute the completeness attained when a man and woman join together. A complete entity, with so much diversity in life-skills and traits, could not be attained in a single organism and hence we had to be split (for fans of evolution- we had to evolve) into man and woman. Since we rightly have a women’s day let us complete the circle of goodness by having a men’s day, where we acknowledge the men in our life, be it a father, brother, son, uncle, nephew, friend, grand father, cousin, doctor, boss, anyone who you have thought favourably of, let them know your appreciation, lets keep a day in honour of them too- NOVEMBER 19th – is International Men’s Day.
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Hallmark & SIF Bringing out Men's Day Cards: An email to discuss the possible concepts
Dear Ms.Aruna,
As discussed in our telecon I am attaching a Picture of father & daughter , which appealed to many us, in our group, facing alienation from our kids. This is in fact the our main page picture at one of our sub groups in the SIF Network; Save Indian Child : http://groups.yahoo.com/group/SaveIndianChild
I myself have not seen my eldest daughter(I have a newborn now, from my remarriage) since she was 1 month old, and for 5 years now I haven't seen or talked to her, or rather I have been denied that right, to put briefly.
But as discussed this bond of a father and daughter/child cannot be the sole concept, which would paint the entire picture with respect to the Men's day(anyway its taken care by exclusive "fathers day", but the question remains ....what happens to the segment "alienated fathers" do they deserve a separate day!? :), may be some day we will talk about this too, for now I am linking you to an article about our cause, going to be featured in a newsletter by a social organisation, see the bottom of this post).
But somehow we need to put elements of this aspect, of a man, in the cards we are now trying to conjure up.
As I mentioned, lets have images where Men are putting in their best for the family, for the Nation, for the causes and values which they get ready to die for. So that people sit and realise that ... yes.... this guy need to be hugged with a card, as mark of love and recognition for all the thankless efforts he has been putting in without even knowing to whether to expect some love at least in return or not!. When he puts his body in the line of fire, when he jumps into the torrent of a river without even blinking an eye to save a dear one, when he pulls a rickshaw under scorching sun gasping for air in plumes of noxious fumes and returns home tired, but with a toy for his children and love for his wife.... the ideas are endless, but how to put it subtly and still project the essence of this thankless existence, is what you guys in the creative side has been doing the best!.
If my messages are getting a bit emotional, I am sorry, its since I am getting emotional, since I , along with hundreds in our group(including fathers, grandmothers, grandfathers, aunts, sisters, etc.), have been short changed for love and respect, time and again, from among our kith and kin. Its not the problem with the person I am/we are up against, its the problem with the centuries or millenniums of social conditioning , which has been instrumental in programming everyone in our society to neglect/discredit men as some one who all the time needs and yearns for some expression of love from others, in the bottom of his heart!(moot point: why is a man not supposed to cry, is he not an emotional being, doesn't his tear glands have a mandate to cry out of emotion!).
Lets say it with cards, thank you my man, we all love you...... to brothers, sons, fathers, nephews, grandsons, great grandsons......Some such appropriately worded and heart-felt expressions(embellished by suitable Pictures and "Verbalised Hugs") which you and your creative team can make in a jiffy, but something which I can only get emotionally eloquent about!.
Every body needs to be touched deep inside, yes.... and....not just non-males :).
Mr.Arjun Singh, 17, Akbar Road, New Delhi Tel: 23016516, 23017340, Fax- 23017404, 9868181607(M) Email: arjuns@sansad.nic.in
Dear Mr.Singh,
Greetings from all at Protect Indian Family, Mumbai.
Let me introduce our Umbrella Group "Save Indian Family"(SIF) as a network of NGOs, Individuals and other socially responsible Organisations and Authorities. Currently the yahoo group of SIF has a strength of 3000 NGO and Individual members in total, on actual ground we have more than 50000 families as our members and above 20 NGOs as our Network-affiliates spread pan-globe.
Our main area of concern and hence work is regarding Misuse of Laws concerning Families in India(and families with People of Indian citizenship abroad). As you are well aware, and since you yourselves had a first hand encounter with the Viscious and Malignant misuse of IPC 498a, I would desist explaining anymore in this regard. You could check our websites and New Publication http://www.siftimes.com/ for more information and current events being reported all around the world in this line.
Unfortunately or Fortunately! the Octopus hands of this blatantly misused laws do not stop at any threshold, be it Mr.Huda(haryana), yourselves or Popular Businessmen(Aseem Premji of Wipro was falsely accused in a Domestic Violence case recently, allegdly for giving "Dating Allowance" for wipro employess, this alleged 'allowance' later turned out to be fictitous and the allegation proved to be opportunistically oblique, to amass a quick buck as Ransom/Extortion Money by the Law misusing wife of a Wipro employee-Mr.Gaurav Nigam, who is our Member since then).
We also have Mr.Deepak Pandey I.P.S(for Aid De Camp(A.D.C) to the Gorverner or Maharashtra), as our member and well wisher; who was falsely alleged of Cruelty to his IAS wife(after 2 yers of Suspension and Departmental enquiry, he was re-instated with full compensations for the suspension period!- but who is responsible and how can anyone make-up for Mr.Deepak's(or any of our memeber's) valuable time, Mental Truama, Irreversible scars on ones personality and psyche and health). He is just one of the luminaries who has associated with us, along with other eminent personalities including judges, policemen/policewomen!, Actors, and other persons in prime societal positions, who were ruthless, undeservingly and vexatiously victimised by wrongful use of these laws by LEGAL TERRORISTS.
We would like your association in these events(held on 25th and 26th August) as a Patron or Affiliate etc., as you think appropriate. We are planning to print Banners, Invitations, etc, with all affiliate's names and their Logos etc.(like you can see in the invitation uploaded in the above link), to show strength and credibility in our demands of 'Preventing Misuse/Abuse of Laws concerning families, while Protecting genuine Victims'.
You could kindly let us know your views on the above regarding associating with our group, or could chose to bless us in our endevours in this direction, since we need all your support and cooperation to be able to take this Revolt against "Systemic ROT", which is axing the roots of Indian families and hence going to the decay of the Nation itself eventually, and hence laws prone to misuse.
I may be the fool here, but let me risk the possibility of being termed just that
Why this Dual Standards? -Why dont we write the laws entirely pandering to women's desires instead. Re:Married woman can live with her lover, says court
I may be the fool here, but let me risk the possibility of being termed just that, and yet ask everyone- whether a woman can live with her lover(especially without the consent of her husband!, howmuchever unlikely the possibility of situations to the contrary could be!), while her legal marriage with her husband still exists(will she be legally correct in doing so?. At least isn't a crime of Adultery for her lover?): http://www.vakilno1.com/bareacts/IndianPenalCode/S497.htm , excerpt of this is quoted at the bottom of this mail for ready reference).
Its a simple question, which I consciously made so short so that we can start the discussion based on the popular verdict on this.
The secondary question related to whether a married woman can live with her lover, while her legal husband is alive and non-consenting to this scenario, is that, whether a Judge of an Indian court right, in pronouncing that there is nothing wrong (did the learned judge mean that nothing is wrong 'morally'!, is his role to be a love-guru or a culture-vulture or even a purveyor of morality, or , as expected of him, the upholder of justice or at least, in the bargain, the upholder of WRITTEN LAW prevailing in Present India!).
The judge may be logically or even morally correct in taking this stance in the above scenario, since the girl, in this case, seem to be not all interested(even before marriage she had this 'thing' going!) in her 'legally-married-to-husband". Moreover her lover seems to be ready to face a possible 'Adultery' case! against him, which is what the IPC 497-Adultery reads out, but only that the judge is not at all ready to take action against him on grounds of adultery, which is the justifiable behaviour expected out of an Honourable Judge(I am assuming that the detailed judgement really doesn't talk about an action under section 497 ie. Adultery law, already been pressed on the lover)
Why this double standards by the Judiciary!- when a girl does obviously wrongful acts according to the WRITTEN LAW of a country, she gets away with favourable interpretations, hearings and readings of the law. This is ensure even if it requires our Judges to do this by bending over backwards or even winding themselves into unjustifiable coils of Judicial wisdom and interpretations, and "woolly woolly words" for judgements, with a willing 180 degree spin-doctoring by the Judiciary , only when the party concerned is a woman(along with her paramour, intact, at her heels). I am not at all justifying the girl's husband, I am just focusing on the courts lenience towards her, which is just the summary of many a case in India, a blatant Gender-Skew!.
Meanwhile when men live by the law, they are treated Guilty until proven innocent(by his own effort, ie. burden of proof solely on himself), yes I am referring to the misuse of gender-biased-skewed laws like IPC 498a and Domestic Violence Act , etc.. If in the legal interpretation of our judges men always have a propensity to do 'bad', and thats why they need to give some 'headstart' to women by ruling in favour of them!, why don't they change the 'WRITTEN LAW ' , so that at least men do not have the ignominy of living with a non-enforceable Indian Penal Code with respect to men, by and large!.
So the Questions once again are:
1. Whether a married woman can live with her lover, while her legal husband is alive and non-consenting to this scenario(this has reference to the validity of the Adultery law ie IPC 497, as it stands now!)- will she be legally correct in doing so
2. With respect to the above scenario, whether a Judge of an Indian court right in pronouncing that there is nothing wrong on the part of the lady or her lover.- Is the Judge legally correct in doing so
Reference: Indian Penal Code, Section 497. Adultery
Whoever has sexual intercourse with a person who is and whom he knows or has reason to believe to be the wife of another man, without the consent or connivance of that man, such sexual intercourse not amounting to the offence of rape, is guilty of the offence of adultery, and shall be punished with imprisonment of either description for a term which may extend to five years, or with fine, or with both. In such case the wife shall be punishable as an abettor.(->Interpretation, the Girl is not an offender of any law in this case, not even a co-accused!)
---------------------------------------------------- On 4/19/07, ramdama dam wrote: http://www.hindustantimes.com/StoryPage/StoryPage.aspx?id=9e0b7ae6-86f2-4cb8-812e-a71677b4d729&Can a married woman lawfully live with her lover against the will of her husband? The Rajasthan High Court says yes. In a judgment on Wednesday, the court allowed a married woman, Manju, to live with her lover, Suresh. "It is improper to pass an order to hand over any unwilling married woman to her husband with whom she does not want to stay," said justices GS Mishra and KC Sharma. The court also said that nobody should consider an adult woman as a consumer product. While dismissing a habeas corpus petition filed by Manju's husband, the court came down hard on the misuse of habeas corpus petitions by people who want to thrust their will upon adult women without their consent. The court said the husband was free to approach the family court for divorce. Commenting on the judgment, senior Supreme Court advocate and noted women's rights activist Indira Jaising said, "Though it sounds strange, I am in complete agreement with the high court." "At the end of the day an adult woman has a right to decide whom she wants to live with. She can't be forced to go with her husband against her will," Jaising said. In this case, Jaising said, it is clear that the woman was prepared for divorce. She also felt that Manju's husband had abused the habeas corpus petition because such petitions were generally filed when somebody is actually missing. Asked whether it amounted to adultery, Jaising clarified that the woman could not be prosecuted for this offence under the law. As for the other man, she said, "it seems he is ready to face that". National Commission for Women Chairperson Girija Vyas said that although it seemed like an important judgment, she could not comment on it since she had not seen it yet. Manoj Chaudhry, the counsel for Manju and Suresh, had earlier rejected as baseless the allegations that Manju had been kept in illegal confinement by Suresh. He said that the duo had been living together by their free will and that the relationship had begun even before Manju had got married. With inputs from Satya Prakash and Sutirtho Patranobis.
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